Am I a real soldier yet?

It's funny that at every stage of your military career you have people telling you that you're not a real soldier yet because you haven't done something or other. It just makes me wonder if some soldiers sit there and ask, "Am I a real soldier now? No. How about now? No. Okay, I've been through one deployment, how about now?"

My buddies from my class and I have decided to take it upon ourselves to reinvent the "Love Me" book. For those of you who don't know, your Love Me book is all of your important military documents all in one folder or portfolio. Kind of like a photographers portfolio. It contains all your awards and decorations, all of your training paperwork saying that you have indeed completed basic training and AIT (and yes, you are indeed a soldier). But we decided to put a little X-ray tradition into it and made them a little more entertaining. Well, a whole lot of gay is what they are. Extremely gay in my case.

Now, we are doing this all for fun, and of course certain people just can't seem to see fun and humor for what it is. A bunch of H Company guys were behind us in the DFAC line (H Company are prior service guys or guys that are reclassing into a new MOS) and one of them asked me what was with the pink folders. Now, I understand that they have probably been deployed sometime in the last year or two, but I told him that the reason was because they were super gay. He proceeds to tell his buddies, "Oh yeah, it's the new Army, hugs and high fives." Hardy har har moron.

If you can't see humor in toting around out processing paperwork in a pink polka-dotted portfolio with Hello Kitty and Pokemon stickers all over it, while in uniform...you should probably get a new job because you are going to end up freaking out in combat and shooting yourself in the face. I'm just saying.

I'll just say that it will be nice once I'm out of TRADOC, I'll be qualified in and MOS, and whatever I decide to do I'm sure I'll be deployed sometime in the near future. Too bad I'll probably never see that assclown ever again.

The main thing is that it is July 31 and we graduate on August 12. Only one more week of school and a week of out processing and grad practice. Then it is homeward bound for the X-rays.

Wandering

The Song of Wandering Aengus

I WENT out to the hazel wood,
Because a fire was in my head,
And cut and peeled a hazel wand,
And hooked a berry to a thread;
And when white moths were on the wing,
And moth-like stars were flickering out,
I dropped the berry in a stream
And caught a little silver trout.

When I had laid it on the floor
I went to blow the fire a-flame,
But something rustled on the floor,
And someone called me by my name:
It had become a glimmering girl
With apple blossom in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
And faded through the brightening air.

Though I am old with wandering
Through hollow lands and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone,
And kiss her lips and take her hands;
And walk among long dappled grass,
And pluck till time and times are done,
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun.

--William Butler Yeats

It is amazing how are can have so much of an effect on people. I am, of course, no exception. Literature, music, and the cinema are probably my weaknesses. A poem like the Song of Wandering Aengus brings up memories of both happy and sad occasions. The marriage of a relative. The loss of a great friend. The ongoing struggle to hold on to all of the things you love in such a crazy world. I am certainly blessed to have such a firm grip on the things I love and such a strong foundation against the quaking a stormy weather of the world.

I've only got 18 days left of my sojourn at Ft. Eustis. The ending of one journey is the beginning of yet another. Now the real adventure begins. The adventure of finally being able to start building a real life for my family.

It truly is amazing what we will do for the ones that we love. I am not the only one that has made sacrifices in this equation. I am not the only one that has gone through trials. Once this trial is over, others are bound to surface at some point, but that is just life.

I suppose the best way I know how to overcome the struggles of real life is to stack the odds in my favor. Some people are born into a good hand. They are dealt good genes so they are smart, or very good looking. They are dealt a wealthy family so they are able to get a worry-free education, or even inherit a family business. Then there are those that have to live in the real world.

I was dealt good genes, but I wouldn't say I am extremely attractive, and I am smart, but I am no prodigy. There are times even now that I wonder if this is what the Lord would have me do. There are times when I wonder if I shouldn't be doing something simpler or less stressful.

Then there are times when I am in the heat of an issue, utilizing the training and skills the Army has taught me. So many I work with have no heart, no determination, no pride in the what they stand for, what being in the Army really means. Many of them are there just for the money or for the college tuition. Many are there because they have no direction, no discipline. Many just expect the Army to hand them everything they need to create a persona, something tangible and real, something with direction and conviction.

I guess being a little older than many of them is an advantage. I have lived a little more. Being married and having children has taught me a lot of valuable lessons. Being in the Army at this point in my life has shown me that motivation and a little pride in what you stand for can go a long way, especially with those that are in charge of you.

It is almost time for me to be home and I am so excited! I can't wait to be home with my sweet wife and my sweet little boys. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything because it has taught me so much. I do hope that I will be able to be home for a while before I have to go anywhere again. But I do feel that deployment is inevitable and I feel a sort of need to do it for myself and for all of my brothers and sisters, Army or otherwise.

I hope that I can take what I have learned and make a great life for my family. I hope that I can continue to learn even more every day. I hope that I can be the best husband, father, and soldier that I can.